There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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