You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
