What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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