I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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