It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
