don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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