Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
