Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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