I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
