when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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