Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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