our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
