Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
