She is in my trunk
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I would fuck him just for his dog
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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