I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
