Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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