did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
