Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
