you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
