this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
