There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
