I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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