So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
