Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
