So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
