Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
