At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
