something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
