Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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