I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
