I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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