all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
sarcasm needs its own font
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
