There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
