they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
