tell your sister to shave her snatch
Welp...herpes.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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