Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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