i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
