So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Small penises have feelings too.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
