dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
