At least make sure they are 18
Why
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
