there's paper in my vomit.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
