she sounds like chewbacca in bed
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
