I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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