you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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