my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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