How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
