I smell stomach acid.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Text me some of your sweat
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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