Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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