When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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