I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
