Tell her she can't have a vagina
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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