That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
