Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
