at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
