i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
